Seated / Position Guide
LotusSex Position
No thrusting possible. You rock together instead, and that is the charm.
The lotus sex position puts one partner cross-legged and upright while the other settles into their lap, facing in, legs looped around behind that partner's back. Chests meet. Arms go wherever arms go in a good hug, and because neither body has any room to thrust, what you get instead is a rock the two of you make at once.
Is that a limitation? Yes, and a useful one. It is exactly why the lotus lasts and why it feels so close, with your faces a kiss apart from start to finish. The thing that usually calls time is the seated partner's lower back (not boredom, not fatigue), so a firm cushion belongs on the bed before anybody sits down.
What The LotusSex Position Is
One of you sits on the bed or the floor, legs crossed, spine tall. The other climbs aboard face to face, sinks into the dip those crossed legs create, and hooks both legs around the seated partner's waist. Hands find shoulders or backs. Seen side on, you resemble one tidy knot.
People who look up the lotus position in sex are nearly always picturing this seated wrap, and the name is lifted from the cross-legged lotus pose in yoga. Nobody has to manage the full yoga version, with each foot perched on the opposite thigh. An ordinary cross-legged sit does the job.
It shows up on almost every roundup of slow, face to face positions, and deservedly. Try rushing it. You will fail.
Why NobodyCan Thrust
Check the feet. The seated partner has theirs folded beneath their own shins, while the lap partner's are parked behind somebody else's back. Neither of you has a surface to shove against, and a thrust needs one. So what is left over is small hip circles and gentle sways, coming from two people simultaneously.
Depth is a matter of sinking, not driving. When the lap partner lets their weight drop, depth follows on its own, while a slight lean away raises them and keeps it shallow and a tighter hug lowers them further. Both adjustments are free.
Then there is all that front contact. Chest to chest with the pelvis pressed close, every pass of the rock pushes the clitoris against the other body, and that steady pressure frequently counts for more than depth ever does. Our guide to female orgasm gets into why grinding positions keep earning their reputation.
What is the seated partner sitting on?
Move from nothing underneath to proper support, and watch how long the lotus stays comfortable.
How To ActuallyDo It
- 1
Set up the cushion
Put down a firm cushion or folded pillow and perch on its front edge, which raises the sit bones and lets the knees fall below hip level.
- 2
Keep the cross loose
Tuck each ankle under the opposite knee and leave some slack. Any cross tightens once a second person is sitting in it.
- 3
Come down from a kneel
The lap partner kneels astride, facing in, and sits into the hollow of the crossed legs before doing anything at all with their own legs.
- 4
Wrap the legs once seated
Only then does one leg go around the seated partner's waist, followed by the other. Hook the ankles, or just let them rest.
- 5
Start small, together
Arms around backs, chests touching. Someone begins a tiny sway, the other copies it, and nobody enlarges it until you are in sync.
Hips AndA Rounding Back
Both weak points in the lotus belong to the seated partner. Hips come first. A cross-legged sit rotates them outward and keeps them there, and a whole person in the lap makes that stretch weigh more. Feel a pull along the outer hip or deep in the groin? Loosen the cross, slide the feet forward, or unfold a leg out sideways.
Next, the lower back. With nothing underneath, a cross-legged seat rolls the pelvis back and the lower spine curls just to keep you upright, and with a partner leaning into you it tends to ache long before either of you wants to stop. A firm cushion under the sit bones solves most of it. It tilts the pelvis forward so the spine stacks rather than slumps. Soft pillows that flatten do not qualify.
The lap partner gets off lightly, although wrapped legs sometimes cramp through the thigh. Unhook the ankles and rest the legs on the bed for a minute; nobody is keeping score. The rock never gets big, which means friction piles up quietly as the minutes pass, so keep some lube close by.
Yab Yum AndThe Slow Version
In tantric practice, this same seated embrace goes by yab yum. The term comes from Tibetan Buddhist imagery showing a seated pair wrapped together, and it translates as father-mother. Anyone mentioning the yab yum position, or filing the kama sutra lotus among tantric sex positions, generally means this shape done at a crawl, with breathing setting the tempo.
No belief system is required to borrow the good bit. First, sit wrapped together and motionless for a while. Sync your breathing. After that, let the sway ride the breath, forward on one and back on the next. The pace falls to almost nothing, and a position that was already unhurried turns into an exercise in noticing each other.
Some couples save it as a cooldown after something livelier. Others treat it as a long, unhurried start and simply never move on.
VersionsWorth Trying
Seated partner leans back on the hands. With both palms planted behind the hips, the lower back gets a break and a little space opens between your chests. The lap partner may lean back as well, holding the seated partner's forearms, which shifts the angle and lets the sway travel further.
Legs over the thighs instead of wrapped. Rather than hooking behind, the lap partner drapes both legs across the seated partner's thighs and sets their soles down on the mattress. Suddenly they have a push-off point, so small lifts and lowers become possible. Less hug. More ride.
Shifted to the bed's edge. The seated partner uncrosses, lowers both feet to the ground, and the lap partner stays put. Congratulations, you are now in the face off position, which trades the wrapped feeling for genuine leverage and gives the hips far less to do.
And the breath-led version from earlier, for nights when speeding up is off the table.
The versions, drawn
Lean back on the hands
Hands planted behind the hips take the load off the seated partner's lower back and give the sway more travel.
Legs over the thighs
The lap partner sets both soles down on the mattress behind, which gives them something to push from. Less hug, more ride.
Shift to the mattress edge
The seated partner uncrosses and puts both feet on the floor. The hips get a rest and the push becomes real.
What is your lotus tonight?
Pick whatever sounds like tonight.
WhoIt Is Best For
Pick the lotus when closeness matters more to you than intensity. Wrapped up with your faces inches apart, it is very difficult to feel distant, which makes it a strong choice after a stretch where the two of you have drifted.
It also helps couples who find talking during sex a bit awkward. Whispering is simply the volume this position runs at, so checking in with each other needs no raised voice and no pause in contact.
Wanting depth or speed? Look elsewhere. The shape offers neither. A seated partner with stiff hips or a grumbling back should begin on the cushion, or perched at the side of the mattress, instead of forcing a cross.
What GoesWrong
Skipping the cushion
With nothing under the sit bones, the pelvis rolls back and the lower back is left doing all the work of keeping you upright. That ache shows up early, and it ends the lotus before anything else gets the chance.
A cross that is too neat
A deep, textbook cross looks right and starts pinching the instant somebody sits on it. Keep it loose. Feet further forward, hips happier.
Forcing a thrust
Nothing to push from means every attempt to drive just bumps you apart. The movement belongs in a small, shared sway, and it gets better as you both slow down.
Questions PeopleAsk
What is the lotus sex position?
The lotus sex position is a seated wrap. One partner sits cross-legged, the other sits in their lap facing them with the legs around their back, and the two of you rock slowly together rather than thrusting, which favors closeness over depth.
What is the yab yum position?
Yab yum is the tantric name for what is essentially the lotus. It tends to be done very slowly, breathing in time, with the movement trailing the breath.
Is the lotus position for sex hard on the back?
For the seated partner it can be, since sitting flat makes the lower back round. Raise the sit bones on a firm cushion, which tilts the pelvis forward, and most of the strain disappears. Leaning back on the hands helps as well.
Is the lotus one of the tantric sex positions?
Yes. Of all of them it has the closest link to tantric practice, where the embrace is called yab yum, and that approach cares less about the exact shape than about slowing down and breathing together.
How flexible do you have to be for the lotus position in sex?
Not very. Sitting comfortably cross-legged is enough, and a full yoga lotus is not required. If even that feels tight, raise the cushion or stretch one leg out to the side.