Side-Lying / Position Guide
SidewaysSex Position
Face to face, and nobody is holding anybody up.
Sideways has both partners lying on their sides facing each other, legs interlaced, hips close. It keeps everything people like about missionary, which is the eye contact and the closeness, and removes the one thing people quietly dislike about it, which is one person carrying their weight above the other.
That trade is the reason to learn it. It is not a lesser version of face to face sex. It is face to face sex where nobody is doing a plank, which turns out to matter a great deal on a long evening.
What SidewaysIs
Both partners lie on their sides, facing each other, with the legs interlaced so the hips can meet. Usually one partner's top leg drapes over the other's hip, which is what opens the angle enough for anything to work.
Nobody is supporting themselves. The bed takes all of the weight for both people, which is the structural difference between this and every face to face position that involves someone being above someone else.
It sits quietly on lists of position guides and gets overlooked because it does not photograph dramatically. It is far more useful than its profile suggests, particularly for long sessions.
Getting TheAlignment Right
The one difficulty is lining up. Two people on their sides do not automatically meet at the right height, and the instinct is to shuffle closer, which usually does not help on its own.
The fix is the top leg. The receiving partner draping their upper leg over their partner's hip, or hooking it behind, opens the angle and closes the gap at the same time. Almost every failed attempt at this position is a leg that never got lifted.
If it still does not line up, a flat pillow under the hip of whoever is lower solves the height difference. This is the same problem spooning has, approached from the front instead of behind, and the fixes rhyme.
Where is the top leg?
Slide it to see how the top leg sets the angle. This is the adjustment the whole position depends on.
How To ActuallyDo It
- 1
Lie facing each other, close
Closer than feels necessary. Most attempts at this start too far apart for anything to reach.
- 2
Lift the top leg over
Drape it over your partner's hip. This is the step that makes the position possible and the step people skip.
- 3
Interlace the bottom legs
The lower legs cross so the hips can sit properly together rather than being held apart by knees.
- 4
Add a pillow under the lower hip
If the heights still do not match, a flat pillow under whoever sits lower fixes it in one move.
- 5
Use the free hands
Both of you have a hand free and your faces are already in range. This position leaves more room for everything else than most.
ComfortAnd Arms
Underneath arms are the perennial problem with any side lying position. The usual solution is one partner stretching their lower arm up above their own head and the other sliding theirs under their partner's neck, which is more comfortable than either person trying to keep it tucked.
Underneath shoulders take the pressure on a long session, and a properly arranged pillow under each head takes care of it. These are small adjustments that decide whether this runs ten minutes or an hour.
The angle is shallow and the pace tends to be slow, so friction builds gradually rather than immediately. That makes lube a long session consideration here rather than an opening one, and reapplying is normal.
VersionsWorth Trying
Hooking the top leg back behind your partner rather than draping it over opens the angle further and pulls the hips closer. It is less restful, so it works better in stretches than as the default.
Both partners rolling slightly toward each other turns this into something closer to a shallow missionary with no weight, and the closeness increases noticeably.
Rolling the other way, so the receiving partner turns their back, arrives at spooning. Moving between the two without separating is one of the quiet advantages of starting here.
What is your sideways tonight?
Tap the mood.
WhoIt Is Best For
This suits couples who want closeness and eye contact without one person carrying their weight, and it is a strong option for long slow evenings. It also suits anyone for whom the weight of missionary is the actual complaint rather than the position itself.
It is a weaker choice when depth or pace is the point, since it offers a shallow angle and a limited range of movement. If the alignment cannot be solved after the top leg and the pillow, your two bodies may simply not line up this way, which is common and not a failure.
What GoesWrong
Starting too far apart
Almost every failed attempt at this begins with a gap. Closer than feels necessary is the correct starting distance, and the alignment problem usually solves itself from there.
Leaving the underneath arms until later
One stretched above the head, the other under your partner. Sorting that out after you have settled means unsettling everything, so it happens first.
Pressing harder when the heights do not match
The fix is the top leg and a flat pillow under the lower hip, not more force. Pressing in is how a gentle position starts to ache.
Questions PeopleAsk
What is the sideways sex position?
Both partners lie on their sides facing each other with their legs interlaced and their hips close, usually with one partner's top leg draped over the other's hip. Nobody supports their own weight, since the bed takes all of it.
How is sideways different from spooning?
Spooning is rear entry with both partners facing the same direction. Sideways is face to face, which keeps eye contact and conversation available. Both are side lying and neither asks anyone to hold themselves up.
Why does the sideways position not line up?
Nearly always the top leg. Draping it over your partner's hip or hooking it behind opens the angle and closes the gap. If the heights still do not match, a flat pillow under the lower partner's hip finishes the job.
Is the sideways position good for long sessions?
Yes, because nothing bears weight and no muscle group is under load. The limiting factors are pressure points and friction rather than fatigue, and pillows plus lube handle both.
What do you do with your arms in the sideways position?
One partner stretches their lower arm up above their own head and the other slides theirs under their partner's neck. Trying to keep both underneath arms tucked between you is what makes side lying positions uncomfortable.