Deep / Position Guide
ButterflySex Position
Solve the height of the surface and this position works. Get it wrong and nothing else rescues it.
The butterfly puts the receiving partner on their back at the edge of a bed or table, hips right at the edge, legs raised toward the giving partner who is standing. It is deep on the first movement and it asks almost nothing of either person in terms of strength or flexibility.
What nobody says out loud is that this position lives or dies on a single measurement. If the surface puts the receiving partner's hips at roughly the standing partner's hip height, it is superb. If not, no amount of shuffling fixes it. Solve the height and everything else here is detail.
What TheButterfly Is
The receiving partner lies back with the hips at the very edge of the surface, close enough that the pelvis tips slightly over it. The legs come up, either resting on the giving partner's shoulders, held at the ankles, or spread wide. The giving partner stands with their feet planted.
That small overhang at the edge is where the angle comes from. The pelvis tilts without anyone holding a pose, which is the difference between this and the folded-leg positions that ask the hips to do the work.
It appears on lists of position guides because it delivers real depth while requiring no strength, no flexibility and no athleticism. The receiving partner is lying down doing very little. That is a rare combination.
The HeightIs The Position
A bed that is too low forces the standing partner into a half squat. Thighs burn, the angle drops, and it is over in about ninety seconds for reasons that have nothing to do with anybody's enthusiasm. A surface that is too high pushes the angle upward until it stops working at all.
The fixes are unglamorous and completely effective. A dining table, a desk, a dresser or a kitchen counter is often a better match than the bed. If the bed is the only option and it is low, the standing partner kneels on a cushion instead and the geometry comes back.
If the surface is slightly too low, a stack of pillows under the receiving partner's hips lifts them into range. If it is slightly too high, the standing partner can widen their stance. Standing positions run into exactly the same problem in a different shape, and the fixes there are worth reading alongside this.
How well does the height match?
Slide it to see how surface height changes everything. The middle is where this position actually lives.
How To ActuallyDo It
- 1
Check the height first
Stand at the edge of the surface and see where it lands on you. Doing this before anyone lies down saves the whole thing.
- 2
Get the hips to the very edge
Right at the edge, with the pelvis tipping slightly over it. Two inches back from the edge and the angle disappears.
- 3
Decide what the legs do
Up on the shoulders for depth, held at the ankles for control, or spread wide for a gentler angle. All three are the same position.
- 4
Plant the feet
The standing partner needs a stable base with the feet apart. Balance is what ends this position early, more often than fatigue.
- 5
Slide a pillow under the lower back
The lower back is unsupported at the edge of a surface. A pillow there is the difference between ten minutes and thirty.
ComfortAnd The Lower Back
The receiving partner's lower back hangs unsupported at the edge, and that aches sooner than people expect. A firm pillow or a folded towel underneath solves it completely, and it also extends the tilt that makes the position work. There is no reason to skip it.
Legs on the shoulders is a real hamstring stretch, so go to a mild stretch and stop there. If the legs need forcing, hold them wide or at the ankles instead, and neither version is a downgrade.
On a hard surface the head and shoulders need something under them, and the fix costs one folded blanket. The angle here is steep, so lube matters more than it does lying flat.
VersionsWorth Trying
Holding the ankles rather than resting the legs on the shoulders gives the standing partner control of how wide and how high the legs sit, which turns leg position into a live adjustment rather than a decision made once.
Ankles together over one shoulder closes everything up and changes the angle noticeably. It is the tighter version and it asks less of the hips than spreading wide.
A wedge cushion or a firm stack of pillows under the hips builds the tilt into the furniture, so nobody has to hold anything. For similar depth lying down with no surface height to solve, the mating press gets to the same place on a bed.
What is your butterfly tonight?
Tap the mood.
WhoIt Is Best For
This suits couples where the receiving partner wants depth without doing any of the work, and it is one of the few deep positions that asks nothing of their flexibility. It also suits nights when one partner has more energy than the other.
It is a poor fit if you have no surface at a workable height, and pretending otherwise is how people conclude the position is overrated. Lower back trouble argues for the pillow rather than against the position. If depth is consistently too much, missionary with a pillow gets a similar tilt with far less reach.
What GoesWrong
Not checking the height before you start
The height of the surface is the position. Stand at the edge and see where it lands on you first, because no amount of adjusting afterwards rescues a surface that is wrong by four inches.
Leaving the lower back unsupported
At the edge of a surface the lower back hangs with nothing under it. A firm pillow or folded towel goes in before you start, not after it starts to ache.
Forcing the legs onto the shoulders
Legs up on the shoulders is a genuine hamstring stretch. Held wide reaches almost the same depth without the stretch, and it is the better choice for most bodies rather than the compromise.
Questions PeopleAsk
What is the butterfly sex position?
The butterfly has the receiving partner on their back with the hips at the edge of a bed or table and the legs raised, while the giving partner stands. The pelvis tips slightly over the edge, which creates the angle and the depth.
Why does the butterfly position not work on my bed?
Almost always the height. The surface needs to put the receiving partner's hips at roughly the standing partner's hip height. If the bed is too low, kneel on a cushion instead of squatting, or add pillows under the hips.
How do you stop the butterfly hurting your lower back?
Put a firm pillow or folded towel under the lower back. It hangs unsupported at the edge of the surface, and that is what causes the ache. The pillow also deepens the tilt that makes the position work.
Do you need to be flexible for the butterfly position?
Not for most versions. Legs held wide or at the ankles asks nothing of the hamstrings. Only the legs-on-shoulders version needs any real flexibility, and it is optional.
What surfaces work best for the butterfly?
Anything that puts the hips at the standing partner's hip height. A dining table, desk, dresser or kitchen counter is often a better match than a bed, and a bed with pillows under the hips works when it is close but low.